At Respect Legal we often get asked “What are my rights as a parent”. Our answer is always the same.
As a parent, you have no rights. You have responsibilities. The only ones who have rights are your kids. Your kids have a right to a meaningful relationship with both parents and to be safe from the risk of harm.
As most children grow up, parents and family are the most important people in their lives. We are responsible for protecting our children and giving them the best possible set up for adulthood.
Respect Principal, Danielle Zetzer, insists that no matter what we are feeling as we go through a separation, our response should always be with our children at front of mind. “We have to sit in our discomfort” she says “and give them stability moving forward”.
So what can you do to provide your children the stability they need as you move through the most difficult period of your life?
- Love your children more than you hate your ex
A child focused approach to divorce and separation, means that both you and your ex partner should be striving for a meaningful relationship with your children. Promoting this kind of relationship will require a great deal of effort to speak positively about the other parent. Children don’t need to wear the adult problems of their parents. They should be protected from conflict and parental alienation at all costs. This doesn’t mean you need to be best friends with your ex. However, you should be mindful of your tone and words when you speak about them next to your children.
2. Know how to listen to your children
Giving your children the time and space to think about and express their own feelings is helpful. Even if their feelings are not the same as yours, it is important that they feel heard as they are part of this experience too. Also be aware that children often tell you what they think you’d like to hear. Be careful not to take things too literally, particularly when a child says something negative about the other parent. It may just mean she wants to reassure you that she prefers living with you. Remember not to be dragged into conflict, especially if it is through your children.
3. Communicate with the other parent
No matter what, when there are children in the picture, communicating with the other parent is key to helping them get through this time. Important decisions need to be made for your children and they should never be put in the middle of an argument, for example, asking the children which parent they would prefer to live with. We strongly advise against using your children to communicate with your ex. Asking them to pass messages onto the other parent can sometimes lead them straight into the line of fire and they deserve better. As we mentioned above, keep your adult issues away from them and concentrate on creating a smoother path for them to move forward.
4. Reach out to the right services for help
At Respect, we are all about offering an holistic approach to supporting you and your children through separation and beyond. We believe that most people need guidance outside of legal matters, which is why we encourage our clients to seek help from other professionals during their separation journey. There are so many support services that can help both you and your children, from psychologists and nutritionists, to financial advisors and real estate agents. For parents who cannot make decisions about their children themselves due to conflict, services such as mediation and parenting coordination can help them negotiate and come to an agreement. Speak to one of our team to learn about our wide network of like-minded professionals who want you to achieve the best outcome for your children.
5. Reassure your children
“It’s not your role to be your children’s best friend right now” says Dani. Your role is instead to “give them the skills so that they cope in adulthood when you are not around”. You may feel the need to make your children happy and spoil them out of guilt, but what your children actually needs is routine, discipline and reassurance that everything is going to be ok. Let them know that even though separation is hard, you are handling it and things will improve.
For more information on the types of support you can receive around parenting during separation. Please reach out to us. We’ll be happy to point you in the right direction.
About Respect Legal
Respect Legal is here to disrupt traditional ways of practicing family law through our respectful approach to dispute resolution. We focus on outcomes that strengthen families, rather than tear them apart.
Our team of highly skilled lawyers are leaders in their field who provide expert advice and guidance through complex legal processes so you can achieve an outcome that works best for you and your family.
